Week 24_ A Hero’s Journey and some fun tidbits relating to it…

As week 24 rolls merrily and swiftly along, I relish each day more. I notice how even though I chose not to watch the news years ago, still some information leaks through and comes to me from different channels. For example, I found out about the German Wings flight tragedy. Yet, this week, instead of me going into MEGA outrage and judgment, I think, how sad that someone could be so troubled as to make a choice like that one; and the obituary exercise and Og’s scroll rush at me once more so I “live this day as my last.”

I notice how I am still at peace when I go on Facebook and see that some tortured soul has starved a doggie to the bone and the court system has let him off instead of sending him to a deserted island with no food or water forever more.

And here I go, substituting good thoughts and outcomes in my mind. Looking for the gift in everything and repeating ‘the universe is FOR me.’ So if it is, it gives me solace to know that then, the universe is also FOR everyone and everything else. Including that starved doggie…

The ‘a-ha’ moments also keep coming. For example, I was asked to sing at a dinner/conference on healing and my doggie had been under the weather, I had been recording for 5 hours at the studio and I was tired. And more importantly, my voice was tired. The songs I’d chosen to perform were challenging, it was cold and raining outside and all I wanted to do was stay home to hug my dog.

I didn’t. I went in spite of my overwhelming desire not to. My gut told me, take the umbrella. I chose not to listen. I didn’t know where I was going. All I knew was that it was far. The last station on the subway line I was to take.

When I got out, I was getting soaked and had no idea what direction to head in. I centered myself and felt. I set off based on my guidance and a few steps after that, I saw a friendly face and got confirmation that I was headed in the right direction. As my tired self kept walking in the rain, I thought “Oh, the things I do for so and so” (referring to the friend who’d asked me to sing). And then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. No, I’m not doing this for her, I’m doing it for me!!!!

I knew that something great was going to come out of this night, and my efforts to show up wouldn’t go unnoticed by the universe.

Then a flashback to a few years ago. The one time I’d decided to accept seeing a man. He’d invited me to go see him perform in New Hampshire. He had his car with him. I could drive up there but then we’d have two cars and I’d have to drive the 5 or 6 hours back alone as well. i chose to fly there. In order to do that, I took a train into the city, a bus to the airport, a flight to Boston, a bus to New Hampshire which would actually leave me about a mile from where this man was performing. On the final leg to NH, I called him and told me I’d flown in so we could drive back together and I would be at the stop in about an hour.

When I arrived, there was no sign of him. I called him and he gave me this lame excuse of why he couldn’t drive a mile to pick me up.

I walked with my suitcase up a steep road for a mile. At that time. I didn’t know what I know now. Although it was clear in that moment that this guy was not worth it for me. But as I walked, I realized everything I’d done to go see him and thought: “I know what I am capable of doing for someone I care about. Now I know the person I end up with is going to be someone willing to do the same for me or more! I have a gauge now and I am crystal.”

Yesterday, when the memory flash came, I realized I had already found that person. THAT PERSON WAS ME!!!!!

I was going the extra mile for myself. I have believed I am whole again after years of feeling broken and like ‘damaged goods’. Yesterday, I KNEW myself whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy!

Yesterday I WAS the MKMMA experience in living color.

I laughed out loud all the way to the venue. I giggled and jumped in the puddles like a 10-year old.

How liberating to know that it’s ok to do for me what I have no problem doing for anyone else.

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As far as the rest of the evening goes, well, it was magic indeed.

I got two standing ovations and when I was done singing there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Immediately, I had a mob of people surrounding me who couldn’t wait to embrace and thank me. A woman went as far as saying, between hugs and sobs, that I was an angel and had made the entire evening worth it for her. And a 15-year old young man came up beaming to ask me the name of the last song I sang because he loved it!

When you align with your true purpose, things flow with ease and joy, and really, really fast!!!!

I leave you with this video that found me. It relates amazingly to our silent retreat. ENJOY!!!

Live Real

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Week 23_ Silence. The gift that keeps on giving…

I’m usually all over the places in my writing in order to get to my point. Today is no exception and I ask you to bear with me as I sift through the cascade of thoughts and feelings that are running through me right now.

When I write my blog, I’ve given myself time to digest everything and then I sit and write with a definite idea in mind. Today, something just happened and I am writing as I am sifting through what is happening in the moment.

I have JUST experienced the fullness of “The Truth Shall Set You Free.”

The phone rings. It’s a guy I’ve gone out with a couple of times. A very nice man. Intelligent, handsome…perhaps cheap…not sure yet. And, so the jury’s still out because that is definitely a deal breaker. And, yes. I recently (in the past 3 weeks) decided to start dating. But I digress…

The phone rings and I get gifted with the most amazing gift. The TRUTH. The actual truth is less important than the fact that this man has decided to come clean about an extremely life-altering situation that he is going through to GIVE ME A CHOICE. I am now presented with these facts, and as freaking out as I am (we’re talking White Collar here), I have a choice.

I can choose to continue seeing this person or not. It is up to me now.

I ask for time to think about this as the news has completely erased anything that I could possibly be thinking or planning for my day. I can almost see myself detaching from the situation and completely being the observer. I ask questions for some clarity. I DO NOT JUDGE. I actually start to find the whole situation interesting and I can see how me staying in it could bring some very interesting experiences into my life. And I see how not getting involved is the best thing for me given where I find myself and I also see so clearly that my choice would have probably been the opposite of what I’ve already decided if this had happened only last year. Starting with the fact that I would have agonized over the decision for days or even weeks before actually deciding!! Aaagghh! Just thinking about my past indecision makes me cringe.

Then, I realize that even if he doesn’t really know me, calling me up and telling me everything must have taken so much courage. Because he could have just called and said, “listen, I can’t see you anymore” or “I don’t think this is going to work out” or “I’m moving to Timbuktu”…

But he chose to tell me everything and let me decide. Like I said, I asked for time to think about it and hung up.

In a moment, I felt the freedom and expansiveness of being in the truth. And instead of picking up the phone and start calling my friends in a panic to ask for their opinion and spread the gossip… I went into the silence. I felt everything. He had done me the favor of shocking me in a way that there were really no thoughts in the noggin’ anyway. So I went with it.

I remembered that this man is a Taurus, just like my ex-husband. And that was one of the reasons I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep going out with him anyway, and I’d decided to still give it a chance and not judge him based on my ex.

But then an amazing thing happened. I realized the paradox of life and that there are only two reasons to lie OR tell the truth. It means that person cares. When they lie, they may want to protect you from the hurt, or they may want to make sure they don’t lose it all. And telling the truth means you care enough about the person and you are willing to lose it all…

So for one moment, I am feeling that perhaps all the lies my ex-husband told me were to protect me. And that maybe, just maybe, he did care about me. And he was just afraid to lose me for good. And he knew if I knew he was cheating it would probably kill me, or worse, I could probably kill him…

You know, It’s been 7 years since we split up and a bit over 6 since I found out he’d been cheating. And I have done everything I can to forgive him, and me, for all the pain inflicted. And it’s been so hard. And just when I think, ‘Ok, I’m done.’ Something comes up to remind me I’m still hurting, if only a little bit.

And, now, my whole outlook has changed. I always thought my ex did not care for me one bit and he had no integrity, and I have judge him to no end.

Perhaps he did love me. Perhaps he didn’t. It doesn’t matter now. Today, I understand why people lie sometimes and it’s not always the “evil” reason. And I can let it all go. Back into the silence.

I’ve decided I will not call my friends to tell them ‘The News’ or to tell them why I decided what I did. Or let them believe their opinion is what led me to my decision. I went into the silence and I got all this. I made the quickest decision of my entire life and I also realized how EVERY choice we make is a momentous choice and it alters the outcome of your life.

Seemingly banal choices such as clearing the dirty dishes in my sink, keeping my apartment orderly, or procrastinating about it. To deeper or more important ones like calling a client. Making that cold call. Calling a friend or parent or child to tell them you love them and are thinking of them. Asking for help. Going in the Silence. Meeting yourself.

Today, I was given the most amazing gift. The ONLY thing I kept looking to get from my ex-husband all these years. I got the truth. And it set me free.

Week 22a_ In the silence…

I am no stranger to silence. And though I must admit, my first encounters with it years ago were ‘not pretty’, now I look forward to it. A lot.

Throughout my MKMMA experience, I have received confirmation that the many of the rituals and exercises I use are just the thing I need for my spiritual development and most importantly, the development of my mind. So when this week’s exercise was to go in the silence, I fully embraced it. Especially since, recently, I am having difficulty in finding God within. So I thought I would go listen up!

I knew it! I knew I’d come face to face with God and I was so excited to do this. Just a few days before I read a quoted Tennyson line somewhere, and I paraphrase. God is nearer than the breath and closer than your hands and feet. Or something like that. And it so resonated within me. I went into this silence head first. YUMMM. Giving myself permission to sit for hours… Disconnect from everything. And maybe, when I came back out, I would come out equipped on how to bring that silence into my everyday life and activities. Get coherence.

Because I have found a danger in meditating for so long. The bliss is such, that sometimes I have no desire to deal with my ‘real life.’

And I was just reminded that any angel would give up their ‘angelhood’ for a chance to experience life like we do!

We have chocolate!!!

http://bit.ly/1F0rF94

In the Stillness – Karen Drucker…http://bit.ly/1HifFz4

Week_22 Applying the Knowledge. Keeping the Faith.

As the weeks keep passing by and as I strive to keep my promises to myself, bumps on the road inevitably appear…

Difference is now, I am like ‘Clouseau’. I observe, I identify, I choose my response and I try different things.

In the past, I would’ve had a week of reactions. Now, I’ve had a week of responses, and strangely enough, gratitude for the bumps as I now believe they are the remainders of my past self still giving its best effort to convince me to go back.

At times, I think: “maybe I’ll never break through.” At others: “maybe this isn’t working. It seems to be backfiring. Maybe I’m doing it all wrong!!! OMG! omg! oh (breathe) my (breathe) god (deep breath) Aaaah! – those peptides are taunting me – looking to wreak havoc…”

One day at-a-time. Just for today, I will expand out, relax my body, breathe deeply. Stop. I surrender. Whatever is happening I’ve created. Ok. Whatever happens tomorrow, I am creating now.

Choose: Fear – Love. Fear – Love. Fear – Love… definitely Love. Keep breathing. Keep expanding. use the fear to focus. Feel the fear and act from love.

If everything is an illusion, then who cares what the outcome is. What matters is how I’m feeling right now.

Fear doesn’t feel good to me. I feel it anyway; stop fighting it like before. It washes over me. It’s the wave.

I breathe, I expand.

So who cares if my colorist ruined my hair color… Who cares if it was between somebody else and I for the big commercial and they chose ‘not me’… who cares if my phone won’t charge up and my laptop had a meltdown… who cares if I lost the work of three months because of it and the back-up didn’t, well, back-up… and a few more things, all in the space of two days.

And instead of screaming and crying and feeling sorry for myself I thought: ‘What do I have to learn from this?’

‘What is the universe trying to tell me?’ ‘What is the gift in all of this?’

‘What can I be grateful for today?’

After 5 hours at the apple store yesterday, with hours of recovery still ahead of me, a headache and a tired and hungry body, I chose to give thanks for technology in the first place. Gave thanks for my daughter, my dog, my parents, my home.

Yes, I was pretty upset about my hair today. In a moment, I realized how badly the colorist was feeling about it, too. I could choose to focus on how I felt and forget about her with an  ‘it’s MY hair she ruined!‘…or I could focus on what she had done amazingly on my hair and the fact that this outcome was affecting us both. I chose to focus on the good part and began rejoicing about it. Telling her what a beautiful job she had done with the hair painting.

The salon didn’t charge me for the service and gave me a new appointment to go back and have my hair fixed. I gave the girl a tip anyway and was thankful. And the energy felt good as I was leaving.

On the way home, there were homeless galore, what I could surmise was a deaf couple speaking in sign language, and yet another snow storm happening.

I was indeed, heading to a warm cozy home. To a nice dinner. To my beautiful dog who loves me even if my hair looks bad, or if my backup – didn’t. Who is so happy to see me and shows concern when I’m sad by putting her little paw over my hand or my face to wipe my tears. Who seems to be smiling at me and telling me it’s all right.

And I’m thankful.

I breathe. I expand. I look forward to see what new creation shows up tomorrow with what I am choosing today…

Week 20_ On fear, anger, and other uncomfortable addictions…

Could it be that fear and anger be simply like a thermometer? Alerting us that something’s ‘Out-of-Whack’??? Egging us forward to make changes, change directions, or take a stand?

That’s as far as the mind is concerned.

And what if these feelings are just showing up so we can get ‘our fix’?

You know, those pesky peptides to which we’re addicted to?

So our RAS (reticular activating system), that neural network around our brain, looks for situations to be fearful or angry about so we can get a much needed surge of adrenaline and cortisol to appease our body, if only momentarily. In the meantime, submerged in chaos all around us…

EEEK!

When I first heard a few years ago that I created my reality, I did not take it well. Not well at all!

I got, well, very angry and for a while even refused to accept that as a possibility.

I was even told we pick our parents! The nerve! Can you imagine????

Why, oh, WHY, would I have picked my Mother????

Do they deal drugs in heaven???

Ok, I wasn’t angry when I heard that. I was PISSED.

Then the person proceeded to tell me: “But that’s good! Don’t you see? It means you are in control and if you don’t like what’s showing up, you can change it!!!”

I have to admit it took me a while to even be open to hear that without getting rattled.

And wouldn’t you know it, I have been recently heard saying that same thing to others?!

HAHAHAHAHA!!

I have to report that as of today, I am perhaps the only human whose had two mothers in one lifetime living in the same body!

I AM So Lucky!!!

Or am I?

Could it be that I took responsibility for everything that’s happened? Especially the ugly, rotten stuff, and made a different choice.

I did. Turns out my Mom is really awesome. She even says she loves me all the time and gives me hugs, even though I’m 50. Heck, she even says she’s so proud of me and thinks I am a lovely person!!

I guess sometimes one has to hit rock bottom, stop feeling sorry for oneself, forgive everything and everyone (especially oneself), and use anger as a ladder to climb back up to the top – leaving the anger behind!

I’ve always said life is a ferris wheel and we should always remember what is was like to be at the bottom and relish when we’re on top, and remember what it is like to be on the top when we’re at the bottom knowing we can always get back up!

Week_19… Falling behind, or am I?

Yes, It’s week 21 now and I will now get my blog house in order. So, I will blog on the theme for week 19 and move forward from there.

I will persist until I win. If I hadn’t put everything on the line before, I am now.

I am reading and I love the Franklin makeover words. More so because I am really finding those qualities in myself. Whereas before, I took them for granted or couldn’t even recognize them.

What a joy to know that I am not “flawed” or “broken” as I have felt many a times. Especially since my divorce. Going through life feeling like damaged goods is not the most pleasant way to live.

Now, I see that even what I call my flaws can be seen from another perspective and I embrace the possibility of them even being my greatest gifts!

How ’bout them apples?

“Thought is constantly seeking expression.”

We are channels for this expression. There is no good or evil. There is only thought and its manifestations.

If we are only channels, what would we like to be a channel for?

I get a visual of a pipe system. Actually, two systems. the clean water one and the drainage…

EEEWWWW!!!!

I choose clean water!!!!

I am swimming in the ether where the waves live and I am catching the waves.

My sits allow me to be in that peaceful place and see when the waves are coming at me. I can choose to go under and let the wave pass, or I can catch the wave and ride it. Where before I would get caught by the wave unaware and swallowed lots of water…

If you feel like you’ve fallen off the bandwagon with the MKMMA and its intricacies. Just start with the sit.

Breathe, sit, still…

The stillness will find you and you will be able to see clearly your next step.

If you’re still here, you’re still in the game. Just ride the next wave that will take you home…

Blessings and Love!

Jana

Week 18_ I don’t want it to end… or rather, I’d like for it to go on forever…

Week 18 already, who would’ve thunk that it would go so fast?

I have a friend who says it takes the same to do something than to not do it! And I’m SO glad I took the plunge into the unknown with MKMMA. I simply cannot believe we are at the end stretch.

Especially when I still haven’t figured out the blog, the twitter, the tatter… you know, all the tech stuff.

Have I been perfect? No. Have I put in all the reads? No. Do I master social media? Not by a mile.

Have I learned to be forgiving? check. Focus on the positive, kinder to myself just as I am constantly kind to others? check, check!

I am not perfect according to my standard, based on past programming. But I am perfect according to my creator, who made me from its own fabric. I look at what I thought were my weaknesses and it turns out they are my strongnesses! Who knew??!!!

I am not perfect, yet I am still in the game. Learning, living, crying, laughing, if mostly at myself.

I am so proud to be a part of this group of amazing people.  Maybe next year I even get to go to Hawaii as a guest speaker 😉

For now, I toil on, I strive to get consistency in my reads and know that I am forgiven, I am powerful, I am what I will to be. And today, I am proud to say, I am better than yesterday and on my way to my highest good on the ride of a lifetime. I can’t wait to have my days be more like today. Happy, at peace. In harmony.

Even though I know that EVERY challenge that shows up is always for me and not against me.

I am back to myself. Waking up happy. Knowing that things are getting better and better because I make them so.

Thank you, my friends, for allowing me to share my journey with you.

For reading my blog, for sharing your thoughts, for egging me on. For being YOU. Because WE are Nature’s Greatest Miracle. And our being here makes a difference.

Week 17_ Reprise_Feeling GOOD!!!

Have you felt like you’ve been following the very clear instructions to our MKMMA and, following the instructions, and faltering a bit and then, injecting some passion back into it, and following some more… and NOTHING HAPPENS?

Except, what IS happening is you are fresh out of ideas for writing a blog when before you had a cascading flow of thoughts, opinions and ideas…A week comes where you’re trying to think and nothing happens…

You toss it out as writer’s block and trust the next week you’ll be alright. Then you struggle a bit and then no-thing happens again, for two weeks straight…

Well, that’s my story; sprinkled with bits of panic peptides getting released into my blood flow.

RATS! the old paradigm showing me up again!

But no, I AM changing. I AM, I AM!!!

Not five minutes ago, the light went off in my head and the thought… ‘You have no opinions’ I felt.

I am so used to, well, giving my opinion!

Writing about what I think, what I believe, how things can be

– all according to me.

And now, poof!

I believe my paradigm is exploding into oblivion.

Lots of silence in my head.

If an undesired thought comes on, I focus on a blank screen for a bit and it just goes away. Then I get a blank screen to play with and can visualize anything I want on it. I truly become the artist…

As far as my writing, I believe it may have gone into a cocoon for a while, along with me.

Maybe I needed quiet, I needed time to settle down. To feel the silence and relish in it. To have no opinions.

Now, it seems that I have only questions and no answers.

Could it be that I am finally giving God a chance to answer me with loving abandon?

Could it be that I’ve emptied out the vessel so I can receive, instead of giving till I’m all “gived out”?

Could it be that I still don’t really understand how this planet works, like why there’s so much cruelty and violence, and pain, and poverty, and death… but now I’m able to see my white screen and paint a world where there is none of that and lots of love and kisses?

And create my own reality?

All I know is there’s a lot of peace and stillness inside my head. And the vibes seem to be seeping out and reflecting it all back to me. Albeit slow, and not so steady, but only as my personality allows…

And now, I’m not even going into judgment about it.

About how I’m inconsistent. How, probably everyone else in the course is doing great and how I’m failing… blah, blah, blooh, blah!

Nope, just silence.

I don’t care how I’m doing.

All I know is that… http://bit.ly/1l8MM09

Week 15 & 16_On blank pages and being kind to myself…

Ever since this journey started, I thought it would be impossible for me to write a blog consistently…

In truth, I have done pretty well. Even though I don’t write a huge amount of entries, I have proven to myself that I can actually hold it steady, at least for a while.

Last week, however, was a different story. I usually have my blog posted by Friday at the latest and last week, I couldn’t think of one thing I could write about and make some semblance of sense. So every day that went by, I would think about what I would write and came up bank every single time.

But something in me had changed. Not once did I begin to punish or chastise myself for it, as I would have done in previous times. Nor did I feel bad about myself, or less than, or incompetent. I was being kind to myself!! How ’bout them apples??

I was just having a moment of _________. And it was OK. Then week 16 began and the same thing kept happening. Not that I forgot about it or ignored it. No, I would think about what I would write every day, consistently and come up with nothing. I could have babbled on about the exercises or how it’s been also challenging to keep up with my reading, but I thought it of no consequence, for me or for anyone who would be kind enough to read my blog.

That is until today. When I went on to the Kindness page on the alliances, it came to me. So here goes…

With the kindness exercise I didn’t really notice any changes in my behavior. What I noticed was more of other people’s kindnesses and how my acts of kindness were being mirrored. So,tonight I did a review of last year for me and realized how much I love to give. My financial situation has not been stellar for some time and it has pushed me to give more of myself since I didn’t have the money to give away. And for that, I am thankful.

I now live in a building with 34 employees. Count them, 34. And then, think holidays…

Giving $20 each at the end of the year is, for me, not enough after the work they do all year, and when I added it up, it was truly not something I could do at this time. So I decided to take matters into my own hands since I moved in about a year-and-a-half ago. During the winter, I buy take out cups and I make hot chocolate, cafe con leche, or tea for everyone. Last Christmas, I had my assistant help me make sopes, a mexican dish of corn flour patties with beans, green salsa, lettuce, cream, and cheese, for every shift.

During the summer, I bought food grade plastic sleeves and made popsicles in all manner of flavors, fresh fruit, floral infusions, and even mexican drinks like hibiscus tea and horchata, made of rice milk and almonds.

One month, I made mexican cheese flans and kept bringing them downstairs for every shift to make sure I got to everyone.

I also say hello to the gardeners and garbage pick-up men who work across the street on the river park. And I look the bus drivers in the eye and ask them how they’re doing and thank them for their service. I walk my elderly neighbor’s dog when it’s storming outside. And I do stuff like that all the time.

Like a couple of months ago, when I picked up a fledgling seagull on instinct. It was freezing and the little one wasn’t up and about like all the other gulls around. I felt something was amiss but thought: “Here I go again, meddling. Stay out of this.” And kept walking. On the way back, the situation was the same. So I asked for guidance and felt I should take action. I tied my dog to the railing and took my jacket off and went over to the bird and it didn’t move to try to get away from me. I knew something was truly wrong then. I wrapped it up and picked it up and took it home. I ended up finding a bird rescue and sanctuary right in New York City. A couple of hours later I took Walter there. (That’s what I named him). Walter lived in a warm place with lots of fresh fish and water and clean linens the last three days of his life. The people at the rescue place told me he would have certainly died frozen if I hadn’t picked him up. Turns out Walter had a broken back. The volunteers at the rescue swore to me he didn’t suffer, they gave him medicine for pain and he ate well and was kept warm and comfortable. But they just couldn’t save him. I felt impotent. But at least he died with dignity and not frozen and starving.  I cried.

Last month, I saw a lady fall at the corner of the street. I was getting on the bus a few blocks from home when I heard a thump. I looked back and a couple and a young man rushed to help the lady up. I heard her say she wanted to get on the bus so I put one foot on the bus and told the driver she should wait for the lady. The bus driver started screaming she didn’t want the lady on the bus. That I should call 911. She didn’t want her hurt in her bus. I stood my ground and told her we had to wait for her. But then I looked back again and saw the lady faltering. I knew something was terribly wrong. Instead of getting on the bus with my dog and my warm breakfast at 2pm, I told the bus driver to go on without me and headed over to the lady. She didn’t look well at all. I went over to the restaurant next door and told the hostess I needed to borrow one of their outdoor chairs. She came out with me and actually carried the chair over to the lady. I called 911 and informed the lady she had to go to the hospital. She said she needed to go home. I knew her hip was broken. Don’t ask me how, because it really didn’t show. I held her and waited in the freezing cold with her until the ambulance came. It turned out she is my neighbor. I was able to get her settled in the ambulance and got all her information and where they were taking her and I went back to my building to inform her husband of what happened and where he should go find her. She ended up having two major surgeries and I haven’t seen her but I heard she’s doing amazing 🙂

A week later, I received a package in the mail. A box of tea. A thank you from the lady’s son for being there for his Mom. I cried.

I have been laughed at by friends, family, and people who happen to see me doing these things and they call me crazy because I am continually doing them and have made myself late more than a few times. What they don’t know, is how much I get back.

I also figured out something that creates true magic, always brings a smile to people, AND creates a deeper connection between the person and myself in the moment it happens and I am going to share my secret with you.

Have you ever received a $2 bill? Do you feel like it’s good luck?

Did you know that you can go to the bank and ask for them and they probably have some lying around in their drawers?

I buy $200 in $2 bills at a time and I always keep a few of them in my wallet. When I find someone that is having a bad day or just someone I click with, or someone I totally do not click with, I bring the magic $2 bill out. I look the person straight in the eye and I say something like: “I would like to gift you something for you to keep in your wallet that will attract abundance and prosperity into your life” or whatever blessing I can come up with in the moment and I hand them the crisp, new $2 bill. I tell you, people get welled up every time and they always feel SO lucky, it brings them joy. And when I look them in the eye, the electricity that runs between us is, well, priceless.

So, if you want to make your day special, give. Give of yourself, be present, send love from your heart, go around gifting $2 bills, stop on the street if someone needs help or assistance. It will make a difference in your life. Trust me.

Week 14_Feeling blue…

Or could it be the old blueprint still kicking and screaming?

Yep, I’m sure of that now… I’ve been home with my parents for 2 weeks now and it’s been, well, interesting to say the least. A great opportunity for me to look at my blueprint and the neural network I created from family, cultural, and societal programming. As Don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements calls it: The Fog.

It’s been foggy alright. And last night, a breakthrough. I am what’s called an empath, which means I can physically feel other people’s pain. I came home to face the reality of aging parents and everything that entails, and friends all around me going through so much struggle all of which triggered in me the feelings of my own challenges and resulting in me feeling very blue. To the point of bingeing on Netflix and watching a series almost through the night. 3:30 am arrived and I remember me thinking: “I couldn’t care less what time of night it is. I am feeling this way and I surrender to it AND I will watch one more show. period.”

At the end of the episode, I turned the computer off and felt so irrepressibly sad, I started weeping. Then, the light broke through the fog…

I started reciting from Scroll III and realizing I was indeed infected with despair. So, the only thing to do was to ‘work on in despair’, at which point and thinking “do it now, do it now, do it now”, I grabbed my books, my vision board, my cards, and I started reading, Og first, Master Key second and on and on and on. Until I felt my confidence rising, a smile being drawn on my face and the seed of hope sprouting inside of me once again. I went to bed thinking, today is a new day. I greet this day with love in my heart and I am ready to live today, which is the best day of my life!