Week 17_ Reprise_Feeling GOOD!!!

Have you felt like you’ve been following the very clear instructions to our MKMMA and, following the instructions, and faltering a bit and then, injecting some passion back into it, and following some more… and NOTHING HAPPENS?

Except, what IS happening is you are fresh out of ideas for writing a blog when before you had a cascading flow of thoughts, opinions and ideas…A week comes where you’re trying to think and nothing happens…

You toss it out as writer’s block and trust the next week you’ll be alright. Then you struggle a bit and then no-thing happens again, for two weeks straight…

Well, that’s my story; sprinkled with bits of panic peptides getting released into my blood flow.

RATS! the old paradigm showing me up again!

But no, I AM changing. I AM, I AM!!!

Not five minutes ago, the light went off in my head and the thought… ‘You have no opinions’ I felt.

I am so used to, well, giving my opinion!

Writing about what I think, what I believe, how things can be

– all according to me.

And now, poof!

I believe my paradigm is exploding into oblivion.

Lots of silence in my head.

If an undesired thought comes on, I focus on a blank screen for a bit and it just goes away. Then I get a blank screen to play with and can visualize anything I want on it. I truly become the artist…

As far as my writing, I believe it may have gone into a cocoon for a while, along with me.

Maybe I needed quiet, I needed time to settle down. To feel the silence and relish in it. To have no opinions.

Now, it seems that I have only questions and no answers.

Could it be that I am finally giving God a chance to answer me with loving abandon?

Could it be that I’ve emptied out the vessel so I can receive, instead of giving till I’m all “gived out”?

Could it be that I still don’t really understand how this planet works, like why there’s so much cruelty and violence, and pain, and poverty, and death… but now I’m able to see my white screen and paint a world where there is none of that and lots of love and kisses?

And create my own reality?

All I know is there’s a lot of peace and stillness inside my head. And the vibes seem to be seeping out and reflecting it all back to me. Albeit slow, and not so steady, but only as my personality allows…

And now, I’m not even going into judgment about it.

About how I’m inconsistent. How, probably everyone else in the course is doing great and how I’m failing… blah, blah, blooh, blah!

Nope, just silence.

I don’t care how I’m doing.

All I know is that… http://bit.ly/1l8MM09


8 thoughts on “Week 17_ Reprise_Feeling GOOD!!!

  1. I like your post and the way how you think. Obviously everyone has an impression from time to time that we read and learn MKMMA and nothing happen. But also we can look from different point of view. It happening a lot, just we don’t see it. Like subconscious mind. One day is going to erupt like volcano in Hawaii. Great posting and thank you for sharing and inspiring me to share my thoughts.


  2. Jana, you are clearly a very deep thinker. Seems to me that you are making aawesome progress on your journey, finding your own path, and in your own way. I always feel inspired when I read your posts! Thanks for the great post and the great song by Nina Simone!


  3. Jana, My second time through and I still struggle. Blanks in my head all the time. I need to sit and sort every day. You are not alone and you are making progress. Struggle is how you measure it. Love the NIna Simone tune…… good stuff.

    Kudos to you for all our struggles.



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