Or could it be the old blueprint still kicking and screaming?
Yep, I’m sure of that now… I’ve been home with my parents for 2 weeks now and it’s been, well, interesting to say the least. A great opportunity for me to look at my blueprint and the neural network I created from family, cultural, and societal programming. As Don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements calls it: The Fog.
It’s been foggy alright. And last night, a breakthrough. I am what’s called an empath, which means I can physically feel other people’s pain. I came home to face the reality of aging parents and everything that entails, and friends all around me going through so much struggle all of which triggered in me the feelings of my own challenges and resulting in me feeling very blue. To the point of bingeing on Netflix and watching a series almost through the night. 3:30 am arrived and I remember me thinking: “I couldn’t care less what time of night it is. I am feeling this way and I surrender to it AND I will watch one more show. period.”
At the end of the episode, I turned the computer off and felt so irrepressibly sad, I started weeping. Then, the light broke through the fog…
I started reciting from Scroll III and realizing I was indeed infected with despair. So, the only thing to do was to ‘work on in despair’, at which point and thinking “do it now, do it now, do it now”, I grabbed my books, my vision board, my cards, and I started reading, Og first, Master Key second and on and on and on. Until I felt my confidence rising, a smile being drawn on my face and the seed of hope sprouting inside of me once again. I went to bed thinking, today is a new day. I greet this day with love in my heart and I am ready to live today, which is the best day of my life!