Week 15 & 16_On blank pages and being kind to myself…

Ever since this journey started, I thought it would be impossible for me to write a blog consistently…

In truth, I have done pretty well. Even though I don’t write a huge amount of entries, I have proven to myself that I can actually hold it steady, at least for a while.

Last week, however, was a different story. I usually have my blog posted by Friday at the latest and last week, I couldn’t think of one thing I could write about and make some semblance of sense. So every day that went by, I would think about what I would write and came up bank every single time.

But something in me had changed. Not once did I begin to punish or chastise myself for it, as I would have done in previous times. Nor did I feel bad about myself, or less than, or incompetent. I was being kind to myself!! How ’bout them apples??

I was just having a moment of _________. And it was OK. Then week 16 began and the same thing kept happening. Not that I forgot about it or ignored it. No, I would think about what I would write every day, consistently and come up with nothing. I could have babbled on about the exercises or how it’s been also challenging to keep up with my reading, but I thought it of no consequence, for me or for anyone who would be kind enough to read my blog.

That is until today. When I went on to the Kindness page on the alliances, it came to me. So here goes…

With the kindness exercise I didn’t really notice any changes in my behavior. What I noticed was more of other people’s kindnesses and how my acts of kindness were being mirrored. So,tonight I did a review of last year for me and realized how much I love to give. My financial situation has not been stellar for some time and it has pushed me to give more of myself since I didn’t have the money to give away. And for that, I am thankful.

I now live in a building with 34 employees. Count them, 34. And then, think holidays…

Giving $20 each at the end of the year is, for me, not enough after the work they do all year, and when I added it up, it was truly not something I could do at this time. So I decided to take matters into my own hands since I moved in about a year-and-a-half ago. During the winter, I buy take out cups and I make hot chocolate, cafe con leche, or tea for everyone. Last Christmas, I had my assistant help me make sopes, a mexican dish of corn flour patties with beans, green salsa, lettuce, cream, and cheese, for every shift.

During the summer, I bought food grade plastic sleeves and made popsicles in all manner of flavors, fresh fruit, floral infusions, and even mexican drinks like hibiscus tea and horchata, made of rice milk and almonds.

One month, I made mexican cheese flans and kept bringing them downstairs for every shift to make sure I got to everyone.

I also say hello to the gardeners and garbage pick-up men who work across the street on the river park. And I look the bus drivers in the eye and ask them how they’re doing and thank them for their service. I walk my elderly neighbor’s dog when it’s storming outside. And I do stuff like that all the time.

Like a couple of months ago, when I picked up a fledgling seagull on instinct. It was freezing and the little one wasn’t up and about like all the other gulls around. I felt something was amiss but thought: “Here I go again, meddling. Stay out of this.” And kept walking. On the way back, the situation was the same. So I asked for guidance and felt I should take action. I tied my dog to the railing and took my jacket off and went over to the bird and it didn’t move to try to get away from me. I knew something was truly wrong then. I wrapped it up and picked it up and took it home. I ended up finding a bird rescue and sanctuary right in New York City. A couple of hours later I took Walter there. (That’s what I named him). Walter lived in a warm place with lots of fresh fish and water and clean linens the last three days of his life. The people at the rescue place told me he would have certainly died frozen if I hadn’t picked him up. Turns out Walter had a broken back. The volunteers at the rescue swore to me he didn’t suffer, they gave him medicine for pain and he ate well and was kept warm and comfortable. But they just couldn’t save him. I felt impotent. But at least he died with dignity and not frozen and starving.  I cried.

Last month, I saw a lady fall at the corner of the street. I was getting on the bus a few blocks from home when I heard a thump. I looked back and a couple and a young man rushed to help the lady up. I heard her say she wanted to get on the bus so I put one foot on the bus and told the driver she should wait for the lady. The bus driver started screaming she didn’t want the lady on the bus. That I should call 911. She didn’t want her hurt in her bus. I stood my ground and told her we had to wait for her. But then I looked back again and saw the lady faltering. I knew something was terribly wrong. Instead of getting on the bus with my dog and my warm breakfast at 2pm, I told the bus driver to go on without me and headed over to the lady. She didn’t look well at all. I went over to the restaurant next door and told the hostess I needed to borrow one of their outdoor chairs. She came out with me and actually carried the chair over to the lady. I called 911 and informed the lady she had to go to the hospital. She said she needed to go home. I knew her hip was broken. Don’t ask me how, because it really didn’t show. I held her and waited in the freezing cold with her until the ambulance came. It turned out she is my neighbor. I was able to get her settled in the ambulance and got all her information and where they were taking her and I went back to my building to inform her husband of what happened and where he should go find her. She ended up having two major surgeries and I haven’t seen her but I heard she’s doing amazing 🙂

A week later, I received a package in the mail. A box of tea. A thank you from the lady’s son for being there for his Mom. I cried.

I have been laughed at by friends, family, and people who happen to see me doing these things and they call me crazy because I am continually doing them and have made myself late more than a few times. What they don’t know, is how much I get back.

I also figured out something that creates true magic, always brings a smile to people, AND creates a deeper connection between the person and myself in the moment it happens and I am going to share my secret with you.

Have you ever received a $2 bill? Do you feel like it’s good luck?

Did you know that you can go to the bank and ask for them and they probably have some lying around in their drawers?

I buy $200 in $2 bills at a time and I always keep a few of them in my wallet. When I find someone that is having a bad day or just someone I click with, or someone I totally do not click with, I bring the magic $2 bill out. I look the person straight in the eye and I say something like: “I would like to gift you something for you to keep in your wallet that will attract abundance and prosperity into your life” or whatever blessing I can come up with in the moment and I hand them the crisp, new $2 bill. I tell you, people get welled up every time and they always feel SO lucky, it brings them joy. And when I look them in the eye, the electricity that runs between us is, well, priceless.

So, if you want to make your day special, give. Give of yourself, be present, send love from your heart, go around gifting $2 bills, stop on the street if someone needs help or assistance. It will make a difference in your life. Trust me.


5 thoughts on “Week 15 & 16_On blank pages and being kind to myself…

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