As the weeks keep passing by and as I strive to keep my promises to myself, bumps on the road inevitably appear…
Difference is now, I am like ‘Clouseau’. I observe, I identify, I choose my response and I try different things.
In the past, I would’ve had a week of reactions. Now, I’ve had a week of responses, and strangely enough, gratitude for the bumps as I now believe they are the remainders of my past self still giving its best effort to convince me to go back.
At times, I think: “maybe I’ll never break through.” At others: “maybe this isn’t working. It seems to be backfiring. Maybe I’m doing it all wrong!!! OMG! omg! oh (breathe) my (breathe) god (deep breath) Aaaah! – those peptides are taunting me – looking to wreak havoc…”
One day at-a-time. Just for today, I will expand out, relax my body, breathe deeply. Stop. I surrender. Whatever is happening I’ve created. Ok. Whatever happens tomorrow, I am creating now.
Choose: Fear – Love. Fear – Love. Fear – Love… definitely Love. Keep breathing. Keep expanding. use the fear to focus. Feel the fear and act from love.
If everything is an illusion, then who cares what the outcome is. What matters is how I’m feeling right now.
Fear doesn’t feel good to me. I feel it anyway; stop fighting it like before. It washes over me. It’s the wave.
I breathe, I expand.
So who cares if my colorist ruined my hair color… Who cares if it was between somebody else and I for the big commercial and they chose ‘not me’… who cares if my phone won’t charge up and my laptop had a meltdown… who cares if I lost the work of three months because of it and the back-up didn’t, well, back-up… and a few more things, all in the space of two days.
And instead of screaming and crying and feeling sorry for myself I thought: ‘What do I have to learn from this?’
‘What is the universe trying to tell me?’ ‘What is the gift in all of this?’
‘What can I be grateful for today?’
After 5 hours at the apple store yesterday, with hours of recovery still ahead of me, a headache and a tired and hungry body, I chose to give thanks for technology in the first place. Gave thanks for my daughter, my dog, my parents, my home.
Yes, I was pretty upset about my hair today. In a moment, I realized how badly the colorist was feeling about it, too. I could choose to focus on how I felt and forget about her with an ‘it’s MY hair she ruined!‘…or I could focus on what she had done amazingly on my hair and the fact that this outcome was affecting us both. I chose to focus on the good part and began rejoicing about it. Telling her what a beautiful job she had done with the hair painting.
The salon didn’t charge me for the service and gave me a new appointment to go back and have my hair fixed. I gave the girl a tip anyway and was thankful. And the energy felt good as I was leaving.
On the way home, there were homeless galore, what I could surmise was a deaf couple speaking in sign language, and yet another snow storm happening.
I was indeed, heading to a warm cozy home. To a nice dinner. To my beautiful dog who loves me even if my hair looks bad, or if my backup – didn’t. Who is so happy to see me and shows concern when I’m sad by putting her little paw over my hand or my face to wipe my tears. Who seems to be smiling at me and telling me it’s all right.
And I’m thankful.
I breathe. I expand. I look forward to see what new creation shows up tomorrow with what I am choosing today…