We create our reality with our thoughts…
What was I thinking that I masterfully have created so many challenges this week?
My struggle with the mental diet has been gargantuan. Especially in dealing with our health insurance company!!!
I started to get into such an argument with a “customer service” man that I dove straight into and when I heard myself screaming at him, I stopped. On my tracks, I stopped. Unfolded, I was able to see myself screaming in frustration and desperation after being on hold for 2 hours and… I… hung… up… mid sentence. I hung up. I stopped myself. It may have been rude, however, the situation required drastic measures, I don’t know if I went over the 7 seconds. I voluntarily went into re-start. Not caring. Happy I was able to take control of my emotions and re-direct them. Took a deep breath and started over. Dialed that 800 number again and spoke slowly and deliberately to the next representative. After another hour-and-a-half, I had accomplished what I set out to do. I had a doctor’s appointment for my daughter… 3 1/2 hours later.
Today, while walking my dog by the river, we passed what looked to be a very young seagull, still with baby feathers on over half of its body. Laying on the cold pavement. Surrounded by pigeons and several other very active seagulls… temperature: 22º F. My immediate thoughts: “stay out of it! no one’s asked for your opinion”
A river of memories flowed through my awareness of the countless times I tried to “help” with dire consequences as a result, and kept walking. As I did, I could almost hear “help” coming from that direction. Dismissed it and kept walking.
On our way back, I could see the seagull, immobile and not looking so good. I did my “light-heavy’ question (an energetic process to determine truth or lie), and I got light as an answer to “Should I help?”
Tied my doggie to the railing and approached the gull…slowly, gently, I picked it up and it felt at ease in my embrace. Its legs were paralyzed and it could not even get away from me…
I returned home a seagull in arm and my yorkie walking alongside.
I got home to find my daughter in bad shape and super high fever. At this point, the seagull was in a box in my warm bathroom and calm.
I took care of my girl, and got on the phone. What did I find?
A wild bird rescue organization. Right in Manhattan!!!!
After a long day and on my way to an audition, with my daughter being kept company by her boyfriend while I went out, I dropped off the beautiful creature and was told if I hadn’t picked it up, it wouldn’t have made it through the night, especially with the temperature. They said its back may be broken, or it may just be ill, have lead poisoning or simply just hunger and dehydration. I am praying for the latter as the nice woman took the gull from my arms and placed it gently on a donut shaped rolled-up towel inside a crate and prepared herself to give it water and warm it up.
As I said goodbye, I fought back the tears. I felt the love pouring from me to it and wishing it the best of outcomes. This may be the last time I see it…
I walked out on my way to my 12:40 audition at 4 o’clock feeling grateful. Feeling loved. Feeling love.
My daughter was diagnosed earlier that morning with strep, we have the medicine, she has a boyfriend who loves her more than anything and a mother who thinks she walks on water.
I felt useful. I felt part of the whole. I knew I hadn’t written my blog. Hadn’t drank my 48 oz. of water, hadn’t eaten for that matter. It was ok. It was all in divine order and all part of the plan I may not be able to see from this close up.
It is now 12:12 am as I sit and write this… 12 minutes past the Friday deadline. If I were going by the watch.
Thank God I go by my heart.